Debt Ceiling Dread

Official presidential portrait of Barack Obama...

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Debt ceiling talks between President Obama and Speaker of the House John Boehner broke down today signaling the end of life on planet earth as we now know it. President Obama identified Boehner as the ” anti-Christ” and the Republican party as a whole as “less than human troglodytes”. For his part, Speaker Boehner responded by labeling President Obama  “the Lord Voldemort of our time, economically speaking”.  Boehner went on to praise the new Harry Potter movie and began to tear up as he reminded reporters once again that he has “every first edition of  every Harry Potter book”  in his home library.

Asked to comment on the debt ceiling crisis, House Minority leader Nancy Pelosi cursed, spat, and sputtered in indignation while making crazy eyes at cell phone cameras around the room.

Meanwhile in the Senate, Minority leader Mitch McConnell continued his game of pinocle with Senate majority leader Harry Reid. Reid mumbled something that reporters could not understand and raised his silver-handled cane in defiance as  journalists pressed him for a response.

Unconfirmed rumors circulated within the beltway today that former President Jimmy Carter was being called in to negotiate a truce between the two hostile camps. Reached for comment at his Georgia farm, former President Carter smiled broadly and said that the peanut crop this year was below par but he was confident that next year’s crop would be “a good ‘un”.

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