S & P Downgrades Planet Earth (except Texas)

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Image by NASA Goddard Photo and Video via Flickr

Dateline Dreadmaker News Central:

In BREAKING NEWS this morning, Standard & Poors  has decided to extend its downgrade to encompass all of Planet Earth with the exception of the state of Texas.

Standard & Poor’s Managing Director, John Chambers, told Dreadmonger this morning, “We believe the entire planet should now be considered at economic risk – except for Texas, which is actually doing pretty good.”

“Initially, we downgraded the US Government, Fannie Mae, and Freddie Mac. Then we began to look at states like California, New York. and Arizona.Then one of our junior guys in the bond room said,  ‘What about Italy and Spain?’. So, we just thought, you know, let’s just do the entire planet. Except, of course, for Texas.”

When queried by Dreadmonger about the $2 trillion math error that White House officials and US  Secretary of the Treasury Timothy Geithner noted on Sunday talk shows this past week-end, Chambers replied, “Look, we have now extended our downgrade to the degree that this so-called ‘math error’ that Secretary Geithner is complaining about is, essentially, chump change.”

“At S&P, our guys have looked at places like Saturn, Jupiter, you know, Venus, and we just don’t see the high debt to GDP ratios that we see on this planet. I should point out that S&P downgraded Pluto right after it lost its planetary status in 2006. So, obviously, Pluto is not a valid comparison. We don’t count Pluto any longer.”

When reporters from Dreadmonger pointed out that, as in the case of sub-prime mortgage securities in 2008, S&P acted on a downgrade of Pluto only after the fact, Chambers responded, “Standard & Poor’s, if you count its predecessor companies, has been rating bonds since the 1920s. We have a long track record of over 100 years. If we missed a few along the way, well, nobody bats a thousand now, do they?”

Chambers went on to warn, “We think that there is the possibility of extending the downgrade in future months if we don’t see real, marked improvement in the situation on Earth”.

When asked by Dreadmonger how S&P might further extend it’s downgrade beyond Planet Earth, Chamber’s only gave a slight smile and said, “well, there’s still Texas.”

Dreadmonger will provide updates to this developing story in real-time.


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