Obama Promises to Give Kentucky to Illinois

Seal of Illinois. Center image extracted from ...

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On the campaign trail in Illinois today, and facing stiff opposition from Republican candidates Perry, Romney, and Bachmann, President Obama promised to give the people of Illinois the state of Kentucky should voters give him their vote in the upcoming 2012 presidential election.

The President, his Zegna jacket removed, shirt collar loosened, and sleeves rolled up, spoke today from the stage of the livestock auction pavilion at the Illinois State Fair.

“I think it’s a fair trade,” said President Obama. “You give me your vote and I’ll give Illinois the state of Kentucky.”

Noting that Kentucky borders Illinois to the south, the President went on to say that he will make sure that the new, larger state is called, “Illinois, or New Illinois, or Greater Illinois, or whatever you folks decide to call it.”

“Furthermore,” continued the President, “I believe this historic combination will create the first L-shaped state in our nation’s history.”

Speaking with David Axelrod, senior campaign strategist for the Obama campaign, reporters from Dreadmonger inquired as to how the people of Kentucky might feel about the proposed change.

“We firmly believe,” said Axelrod, “that there is a lot of synergy with the merger of Illinois and Kentucky. Illinois has a lot going for it and we think the good people of Kentucky will really benefit from joining that more robust and vibrant economy. And I’m sure there is plenty of room in the new organization for all. It’s a big tent, you know.”

When reporters from Dreadmonger noted that Illinois is a key swing state in the upcoming election and that Kentucky has voted for the opposing party in the last three presidential races, Axelrod commented, “Look, we really think that this is about something much bigger than the outcome of a single election. We see this as a win win for all concerned and a really big step forward for Kentucky. This will kick-start their flagging economy and align them to a real winner. If we thought this was a one-sided deal, well, we just wouldn’t feel so good about it. And it will create, you know, the first L-shaped state.”

Rumors have been circulating within the Obama camp that similar deals are in the offing for Ohio / West Virginia and Florida / Alabama.

The office of Steve Beshear, governor of Kentucky and a Democrat, repeatedly refused Dreadmonger’s request for comment.

A spokesman from the office of Illinois Governor Pat Quinn, also a Democrat, speaking on conditions of anonymity, said, “We were really kind of hoping for Indiana.”

Dreadmonger will provide updates as they become available.

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  1. #1 by kstreet607 on August 19, 2011 - 8:20 am

    Hi Dreadmonger. Thanks for stopping by my site. I’m glad you did, because I was able to reciprocate. I really like your sense of humor. You’ve just landed on my blogroll! 🙂

    • #2 by dreadmonger on August 19, 2011 - 9:34 am

      Hi Kay. Wow, thanks, I am honored! I will add your blog to my blogroll as well.

  2. #3 by Stephen on August 27, 2011 - 9:41 am

    Louisiana, which I think was the 56th or 57th state, apparently isn’t L-shaped.

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