“New Recession” Mocks “Old Recession”

Henry Paulson responds to President George W. ...

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Zero jobs for August reported in Friday’s monthly jobs report  has economists concerned that the U.S. economy may be entering into a second recession. The economy grew at a rate of 0.7 percent in the first half of 2011, marking the lowest rate of growth since the “Old Recession” ended in June 2009.

The Obama administration estimated Thursday that unemployment will average about 9 percent through next year. This compares to a rate of 7.8 percent when Obama took office. Lagging job growth has prompted some economists to believe the economy is headed into a “New recession”.

Hank Paulson, former Secretary of the Treasury under George W. Bush, spoke with Dreadmonger reporters today. “We just don’t think there is a new recession brewing, and, if there is, we don’t believe it will compare to what we went through in 2008 during the Great Recession.”

Yale economist and consultant to Dreadmonger, Dr. Paul Grunder indicated that he believed “This ‘New Recession’ as we have termed it, will exceed the depths seen in the so-called “Great Recession’ of 2008. We firmly believe that we have already entered a recessionary period and that it will be deep and protracted.”

In response, Secretary Paulson said, “There are some who, in trying to be ahead of some ill-conceived ‘curve’ of economic opinion, will say that we have entered into a recessionary environment. In reality, we are far from the state of affairs we saw in 2008 that precipitated what all will agree to be the most difficult economic challenge this country has faced since the ‘Great Depression‘. And that is precisely why we have dubbed this period the “Great Recession’.”

Dr. Grunder replied, “The self-aggrandizement evident in the characterization and handling of the 2008 downturn spawned a media circus and unnecessary fear-mongering that did nothing but prolong this period of weakness in the U.S. economy.”

“‘Period of weakness?'” Paulson replied, “That’s the most ridiculous understatement I have ever heard. The economy was teetering on the edge of oblivion and we pulled it back. Through herculean efforts, I might add.”

“These so-called ‘herculean efforts’ that some have cited,” said Dr. Grunder, “were merely exaggerated fluff for media consumption, no doubt prompted by some of the principal’s literary agents.”

“See this…” said Mr. Paulson, making a rude gesture, “this is where this Yale professor can stick his ‘exaggerated fluff’.”

Dr. Grunder responded, “Well, I guess that demeanor is good for ex-Wall Street execs attempting to sell books but, I don’t believe it adds much to the real and substantive discussion that is being undertaken by serious economists in this tenuous environment.”

Dreadmonger is unable to print Mr. Paulson’s response in this family friendly publication.


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