Buffett Gives Secretary $1B to Reduce Her Tax Rate

President Barack Obama and Warren Buffett in t...

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OMAHA (Dreadmonger) – Berkshire Hathaway issued a press release tonight announcing that Warren Buffett was personally gifting his secretary to the tune of $1 billion in order to reduce her tax rate to the same level that the billionaire investor enjoys.

Missy Sprindle, Mr. Buffet’s administrative assistant at Berkshire Hathaway for the past 18 years, met with reporters from Dreadmonger’s Omaha Bureau in an exclusive interview this evening.

“I’m just so excited! Mr. B. is just too kind. With all this talk about how much I pay in taxes, I just didn’t think he would go and do this. He’s such an old sweetie.”

Mr. Buffett has expressed concern in recent months about the disparity between his tax rate and that of his secretary. According to Mr. Buffett, he is taxed at about 17% on his $46 million in income “without trying to avoid paying higher taxes” while his secretary is taxed at a rate of 32%.

The gift to Ms. Sprindle was in the form of dividend producing Berkshire Hathaway bonds. The income from the $1 billion in gift bonds will be treated as capital gains and, when combined with Ms. Sprindle’s $60,000 annual salary, will lower her effective tax rate to a projected 17.3%, rivaling that of Mr. Buffett.

Dreadmonger reporters asked Ms. Sprindle if she was aware of the “Buffet Rule” that President Obama was recommending to rectify the tax disparity between wealthy and middle class tax payers.

“Why no,” said Ms. Sprindle, “I really don’t pay any attention to politics, I’m afraid. What’s that all about?”

Dreadmonger reporters explained that the new rule would effectively raise her tax rate back to the 32% “fair share” level that the middle class pays.

“Why, that’s the stupidest, most idiotic thing I ever heard of,” said Ms. Sprindle. “I guess I’ll have to invest in a good tax attorney.”

“After all,” said Ms. Sprindle, “I can afford it.”

Dreadmonger will provide updates to this story as they become available.

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