Posts Tagged Al Gore

Cheney Claims He Made Al Gore’s Head Explode

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Former Vice President Dick Cheney, in an exclusive interview with Dreadmonger, claims revelations in his new book “Made Al Gore’s head explode”.

“I sent him an advance copy of the book, couple weeks ago. He’s obviously read it. You can see from his recent speeches,” Mr. Cheney said, referring to Mr. Gore’s recent public appearances. “He’s definitely lost it. Brain’s gone to mush, I’d say. No doubt.”

“I told NBC this would happen,” said Cheney, ” You can check the video. This is verifiable.” Cheney was referring to his recent interview with NBC’s Jamie Gangel that was aired for the first time tonight on NBC’s Dateline telecast. In that interview, Mr. Cheney referenced his new memoir, In My Time, stating that his new book would “make heads explode all over Washington.”

Mr. Cheney continued, “First there was Gore’s famous ‘Bullsh*T, bullsh*t, bullsh*t’ speech. That was, let’s see, I think that must have been two days after he got a copy of my book. And now, there’s this incoherent rant comparing global warming to civil rights. Guy’s definitely had some kind of aneurism or something. And, I take full credit. Me and my little book.”

“Wait until Powell hears this,” Mr. Cheney continued, referring to former Secretary of State Colin Powell. In Mr. Powell’s appearance this past Sunday on CBS’ Face the Nation he said, referring to Mr. Cheney’s book. “My head isn’t exploding. I haven’t noticed any other heads exploding in Washington.”

“Well, take another look Colin,” Mr. Cheney continued, ” take a peek at our buddy Al. Not looking like Al’s dealing from a full deck now, does it Colin?”

Dreadmonger tried repeatedly to contact Mr. Gore and Mr. Powell for comment but, as of this publication, our calls have not been returned.

Dreadmonger will provide updates as they become available.

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Gaddafi Tells Tea Party to ‘Go to Hell’

Muammar al-Gaddafi at the 12th AU summit, Febr...

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In an exclusive interview today with Dreadmonger’s Mediterranean Bureau, speaking from the deck of his yacht somewhere in the Mediterranean near the Italian Riviera, Muammar Gaddafi told reporters, “The Tea Party can go straight to hell!”

Mr. Gaddafi traces his recent decline in power to the ascent of the Tea Party in the 2010 elections in the US.

“These people are dangerous,” continued Mr. Gaddafi, speaking in flawless English. “This Jim DeMint person? Who does he think he is? And Michelle Bachmann? The woman frightens me. Did you see the cover of Newsweek? And they say I’m crazy. Did you see that picture? I defy you to find a picture of me that looks that crazy. I defy you.”

Mr. Gaddafi went on to say, “All this talk about the so-called ‘Arab Spring’ or some such nonsense. I have one word to describe this ‘Arab Spring’, and here I quote your Mr. Al Gore, ‘Bullsh*t!’. This is all a result of these crazy costumes these Tea Party people wear, these crazy signs they carry. Before the Tea Party, the Libyan people loved me. They used to write songs about me…”

Dreadmonger reporters inquired as to where Mr. Gaddafi might go now that it appeared that his government had been deposed by Libyan rebel forces.

“I suppose I’ll go to the Caribbean somewhere,” Mr. Gaddafi said. “Hugo and Fidel both want me. And Fidel’s brother – what’s his name? Raul or something? And Silvio said there was always a place for me at his table. And the little guy from Korea invited me. But, it is too cold in Korea, I think. Is it not?”

“But please, you must help me out,” Mr. Gaddafi asked our reporters. “You must convince your Fox News to return Glenn Beck to the airwaves. He was hilarious! I think you Americans have no sense of humor. ‘Glenn Beck’ is a character he has created – a modern-day Tony Clifton. I think his humor may be too oblique for you. But, please, I beg you, see if you can convince them to bring him back. We would watch him each afternoon in the palace. I miss him so much.”

At the end of the interview, Mr. Gaddafi extended his hospitality to Dreadmonger reporters.

“You must join us tonight for the concert. Rhianna and Neil Diamond will be performing. Saif¬† loves Rhianna but, I am a big Neil Diamond fan. ‘Sweet Caroline…’. I love this song.”

Dreadmonger reporters will provide exclusive coverage of the concert.

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