Posts Tagged Anthony Weiner

Bill Clinton Endorses Herman Cain

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President Clinton announced today that he would support Herman Cain in his bid for the presidency in 2012.

“There’s just something about that guy that speaks to me,” said President Clinton.

“I know, I know,” continued the president, “I’m crossing party lines here and that won’t be popular. But, sometimes, you have to go with you heart. And, in my heart, I can relate to Herman Cain. I see something of myself when I look at Herman Cain. There is a sympatico there that is impossible for me to ignore”.

When Dreadmonger reporters asked President Clinton if he would comment on the rumors circulating around the beltway that he was helping Anthony Weiner revive his stalled political career, the president replied, “I really can’t comment. Except for this: the Bible says ‘judge not’ and, I think we need to keep an open mind and help out where we can.”

President Clinton excused himself to attend a previously scheduled luncheon meeting with a visiting foreign dignitary. Dreadmonger reporters asked if, as rumored, the president was lunching with ex-Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

President Clinton replied, “Well, guys, I really not in a position to confirm that. I’ll just sign off by saying ‘ciao‘.”

Dreadmonger reporters sought comment from Secretary of State Hillary Clinton but our calls were not returned.

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Bravo To Launch New Reality Show – Political Panic Room

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Producers from Bravo TV announced today that their new fall lineup will include Political Panic Room, a reality TV show where political figures will be locked together in an upper East Side Manhattan Panic Room for 45 days.

Mark LeGuay, executive producer for the show, told reporters, “This will be a first for reality TV. A group of 8 contemporary political thought leaders from the worlds of communications, entertainment, business, and government will be sealed together in the panic room of an exclusive upper East Side Manhattan penthouse for 45 days. Their every waking moment will be recorded on closed circuit TV.”

Bravo has announced that first season cast members will include Anne CoulterChristine O’Donnell Debbie Wasserman Schultz,  Janeane Garofalo, Paul Krugman, Colonel Allen West, Anthony Weiner, and Chuck Norris.

LeGuay went on to say, “We look for a lot of in-depth, thoughtful, and substantive interaction between the cast members during their stay in the Political Panic Room. Two teams, or ‘tribes’, will be formed on Day 1 and those tribes will compete weekly for food.”

During their stay in the Political Panic Room, a TV news feed, consisting of current live news stories and ‘fake news’ will be constantly streamed to contestants, who will be allowed no other contact with the outside world.

Producer LeGuay told reporters, “For the ‘fake news’, we will have, among others, stories about the repeal of the second amendment to the Constitution, Hillary Clinton‘s announcement that she will become an independent presidential candidate in 2012, and an outbreak of avian virus that ravages the population and triggers massive social decay and, ultimately, anarchy. We think these stories may make for some lively debate amongst our two tribes.”

LeGuay added “The contestants will be asked to review and rate the truthfulness of the news stories and present their conclusions weekly to a panel of celebrity judges.”

This season’s celebrity judges will include Ariana Huffington, Ted Nugent, and Gary Busey. Judges will be on hand for a live telecast each week to judge the tribes’ presentations and select the tribe member who will be eliminated.

The TV news feed of real and fake news will run 18 hours a day and will alternate with broadcasts of Rush Limbaugh‘s radio program and re-broadcasts of  Keith Olbermann‘s new CurrentTV show, Countdown with Keith Olbermann.

At the end of the 45 days, the surviving tribe will be awarded $1 million dollars which will be donated to the charity of their choice.

Dreadmonger will provide updates to this story as they become available.

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Nancy Pelosi’s Looking for Another Weiner

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Sources close to House of Representatives Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi told Dreadmonger today that she was “Looking for another Weiner”.

“She is working the caucus,” reported the source, “looking for a male member, so to speak, to initiate another scandal ala Anthony Weiner.”

The source went on to say, “She’s got to find something to take the focus off of the lack of progress on the economic front. You can only say ‘Jobs, jobs, jobs’ so many times, you know? That one’s starting to play kind of thin. And this ‘Tea Party Terrorist’ line hasn’t really taken off like we thought it would.”

Leader Pelosi’s first choice for the role of party decoy was purportedly Steny Hoyer, House Democratic Whip.

“Nancy hates Steny so, he would be a natural from her point of view,”  the source went on to say. “But, hey, I don’t think Steny’s  just waiting around to fall on his sword for the good of the party.”

“The sad truth is, Nancy wishes Anthony was still around,” the source said. “He was good for keeping the 24-hour news beast fed and he was a lot of fun, too. And Nancy liked him. He is actually a pretty funny guy, as you can imagine, and Nancy’s a hoot with all that ‘Crazy Eyes’ stuff. They used to do a routine together in the House cafeteria that was hilarious. Let’s get real, Weiner had reached rock star status and Nancy misses him, simple as that.”

Leader Pelosi was out on the stump this week campaigning for President Obama in her home district of San Francisco.

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