Posts Tagged Bill Clinton

Bill Clinton Endorses Herman Cain

Official White House photo of President Bill C...

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President Clinton announced today that he would support Herman Cain in his bid for the presidency in 2012.

“There’s just something about that guy that speaks to me,” said President Clinton.

“I know, I know,” continued the president, “I’m crossing party lines here and that won’t be popular. But, sometimes, you have to go with you heart. And, in my heart, I can relate to Herman Cain. I see something of myself when I look at Herman Cain. There is a sympatico there that is impossible for me to ignore”.

When Dreadmonger reporters asked President Clinton if he would comment on the rumors circulating around the beltway that he was helping Anthony Weiner revive his stalled political career, the president replied, “I really can’t comment. Except for this: the Bible says ‘judge not’ and, I think we need to keep an open mind and help out where we can.”

President Clinton excused himself to attend a previously scheduled luncheon meeting with a visiting foreign dignitary. Dreadmonger reporters asked if, as rumored, the president was lunching with ex-Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

President Clinton replied, “Well, guys, I really not in a position to confirm that. I’ll just sign off by saying ‘ciao‘.”

Dreadmonger reporters sought comment from Secretary of State Hillary Clinton but our calls were not returned.

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President Obama Swears He’s an Adult

President Barack Obama plays basketball at For...

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On the basketball court in the basement gym at the White House today, President Obama spoke with reporters, insisting that he really is an adult.

“I assure you all that I am an adult and I have been for many years now,” the President said. “I think there must be some connection to this birther thing. For crying out loud, I just released my birth certificate. I know you’ve all seen it. That proves it, right?”

The comment was believed to be in response to Ron Suskind‘s upcoming book, “Confidence Men: Wall Street, Washington, and the Education of a President”. In Suskind’s book, former Director of the White House  United States National Economic Council Lawrence Summers is quoted as telling Peter Orzag, OMB Director at the time, “We’re Home Alone. There’s no adult in charge. Clinton would never have made these mistakes.”

When Dreadmonger reporters asked President Obama about Mr. Summers’ reported comments in Mr. Suskind’s book, he replied, “I think I’ll let Larry deal with his own issues. If you have seen the movie The Social Network, well, you’ll know what I’m talking about.”

Alex Castellanos, Republican strategist speaking today on Meet the Press, expressed similar sentiments by saying that the President was “…running around Washington saying, ‘Mommy, mommy, please make these Republicans play fair’.”

All this on the heels of James Carville‘s comments this week and his one word of advice to the White House: “Panic”.

When Dreadmonger reporters pressed the President on this recent round of inside the beltway chatter, which sounds more like schoolyard trash talk, the President responded, “Look guys, I’d love to stay and talk more but, I really need to get in a few holes of golf and hit Five Guys before the ball games start. Priorities, you know?”

Dreadmonger will provide update to the story as they become available.

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