Posts Tagged Congress

Pelosi & Reid Jointly Propose “Perma-Stop” Legislation

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Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi jointly proposed legislation today that would provide permanent stop-gap funding for Congress. The legislative initiative, nicknamed “Perma-Stop“, would provide for a bank of funds that would be available to Congress in perpetuity to provide monies for future periods where stop-gap spending is required.

The proposed legislation which, according to Mr. Reid, has the enthusiastic support of President Obama, provides for a bank of “Perma-Stop” funds between $300B and $500B that would automatically be available to Congress for funding the operation of the government in order to avert a shut down.

Mr. Reid and Ms. Pelosi addressed reporters today from backstage at a campaign rally in Pahrump, Nevada.

“This initiative will provide Congress with readily accessible funds that will allow the government to continue to operate in times of crisis,” said Mr. Reid. “As we have seen in recent months, our Republican colleagues have demonstrated a willingness, or perhaps we should even say a desire, to delay budgetary approval and thereby allow the government to shut down.”

The Reid / Pelosi proposal would set up a Perma-Stop Bank which would be directly funded by the Federal Reserve Board. These funds would be available for release based upon the approval of the Senate Majority Leader whenever the government requires so-called “stop-gap” funding. The bank would be operated on a “min / max” system by the Federal Reseve: whenever funds reached the minimum $300B level, an additional $200B would be injected to return the fund to the maximum level of $500B.

“We see this,” continued Leader Reid, “as an eminently reasonable approach to the constant start / stop dance we have played in the past few months with our Republican colleagues. They seem to feel they can shut down the government whenever the mood strikes them. I would remind our colleagues that those decisions can delay the issuance of Social Security checks which millions of American seniors depend upon for their very existence.”

Minority Leader Pelosi told reporters, “We see this legislation as key to the elimination of the incessant brinksmanship of threatening a government shut-down. We think that Americans are tired of the constant bickering and threats that do nothing but add tension and rancor to the process of conducting the people’s business. We believe our proposal will entirely eliminate this particularly nasty tactic that our colleagues on the other side of the aisle have shown to be all-to-willing to use. We think Americans will embrace our proposal to put an end to this nonsense.”

In conclusion, Mr. Reid added, “We think this legislation offers a simple and elegant solution to the persistent and unnecessary ploys and tactics that panic-inducing Republicans use to scare seniors. It’s time to stop this ‘fire drill’ mentality and get on with governing our nation.”

Dreadmonger will provide updates to the story as they become available.

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But Wait, There’s More! Obama To Add Second VP

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President Obama’s re-election campaign announced today that the President will add a second Vice President who will share duties with current Vice President Joe Biden.

David Axelrod, campaign strategist for the President’s re-election committee, met briefly with reporters this afternoon outside the Hercules Industries Battery and Wind Turbine manufacturing facility in Decatur where he was touring with the President.

“President Obama sees this as a balanced, innovative, and pragmatic solution to the challenges that face the US today,” Axelrod told reporters. “By adding a second Vice President to assist the President and Vice President Biden in meeting the urgent demands that face the country today, we are, in effect increasing the size of the core Executive team by 50%. We see this move as an enabler to more effective management and a real time saver for the President.”

Axelrod went on to say, “As the President’s re-election campaign kicks into high gear, consuming more and more of the President’s time, the two VP’s will pick up a lot of the day-to-day responsibilities. For example, Vice President Biden is already managing affairs in the middle east for the President and he has taken the lead role in negotiating the recent debt and deficit proposals with Congress.”

“We see the new guy, or who knows,” Axelrod said with a slight smile, “maybe we’ll have a woman in the role this time. But we see this new person as someone who can take on many of the more substantive functional and tactical activities that currently fall squarely on the President’s shoulders.”

When asked by reporters if the President had a short list of candidates he was considering for the post, Axelrod would only comment that, “The President has not shared that with me but, I am sure he does have some ideas.”

“Jaime’s a good man and, the President feels that we do have some repair work to do with big business. But I really don’t have any idea if he is a candidate for the position or not.”

Reporters from Dreadmonger inquired if the creation of a second position of Vice President was strictly legal under the Constitution.

Axelrod responded by saying, “Well, we haven’t really got all the answers there yet. But if there is some kind of a clause or something in the Constitution that specifically says you can only have one Vice President, we thought we would just change the new name to Viceroy, or Assistant VP, you know, something like that. How does Vice Chancellor sound to you?”

Axelrod ended the meeting with reporters saying, “Gotta run now, guys. The President has a golf game to get to and he’s flying out early tomorrow morning for 10 well-deserved days off  in Martha’s Vineyard with Michelle and the kids. We’ll keep you posted as this idea gets fleshed out.”

Dreadmonger will provide updates as they become available.

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Nancy Pelosi’s Looking for Another Weiner

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Sources close to House of Representatives Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi told Dreadmonger today that she was “Looking for another Weiner”.

“She is working the caucus,” reported the source, “looking for a male member, so to speak, to initiate another scandal ala Anthony Weiner.”

The source went on to say, “She’s got to find something to take the focus off of the lack of progress on the economic front. You can only say ‘Jobs, jobs, jobs’ so many times, you know? That one’s starting to play kind of thin. And this ‘Tea Party Terrorist’ line hasn’t really taken off like we thought it would.”

Leader Pelosi’s first choice for the role of party decoy was purportedly Steny Hoyer, House Democratic Whip.

“Nancy hates Steny so, he would be a natural from her point of view,”  the source went on to say. “But, hey, I don’t think Steny’s  just waiting around to fall on his sword for the good of the party.”

“The sad truth is, Nancy wishes Anthony was still around,” the source said. “He was good for keeping the 24-hour news beast fed and he was a lot of fun, too. And Nancy liked him. He is actually a pretty funny guy, as you can imagine, and Nancy’s a hoot with all that ‘Crazy Eyes’ stuff. They used to do a routine together in the House cafeteria that was hilarious. Let’s get real, Weiner had reached rock star status and Nancy misses him, simple as that.”

Leader Pelosi was out on the stump this week campaigning for President Obama in her home district of San Francisco.

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