Posts Tagged Food Court

Mayor Bloomberg Closes Occupy Wall Street to Install Food Court

ATLANTIC OCEAN (Nov. 1, 2009) New York Mayor M...

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(Dreadmonger – Zucotti Park) At a press conference held this morning on the steps of City Hall, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced that Zucotti Park, home of the original Occupy Wall Street movement, had been cleared of all protesters, tents, tarps and sleeping bags, in order to be cleaned and prepped for the installation of a food court. Police officers moved in last night to remove protesters and to clear the area to allow New York sanitation workers to begin their efforts to clean and sanitize the park. 200 arrests were made in the process but, no serious injuries were reported.

The new food court will open for business on Monday, November 21, just in time for the Thanksgiving holiday. The new facility will be anchored by a McDonald’s and will include a Panda Express, a Sbarro Italian Deli, an Orange Julius, a Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick, and a Pinkberry Frozen Yogurt shop.

“The Occupy Wall Street movement,” noted Mayor Bloomberg, ” has reached a size and permanency where we believe the nutritional needs of the protesters are best served via a food court model not unlike what you might find at your local shopping mall. This allows for fast and convenient food service to protesters in a compact area. The food court will offer, if I may say so, a good deal of variety at a great price. We plan to have good old American cheeseburgers from McDonalds, Chinese food from Panda Express, Italian cuisine from Sbarro’s, the ever popular Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick, and frozen yogurt from Pinkberry’s for a refreshing, low-fat dessert.”

Reporters from Dreadmonger asked the mayor if there was any truth to the rumor that plans had been discussed with the Mayor’s Office to open additional retail outlets. Reporters noted that rumored deals for an Urban Outfitters store, a Wicks & Things candle store, and a Build-A-Bear store, along with competing stand-alone kiosks for AT&T and Verizon cell phones, have been swirling around City Hall in the days leading up to today’s announcement.

The mayor responded, “We are in discussions with a number of companies about the possibility of providing those retail outlets that might best serve the demographic we see here with the protesters in the park. But, let me assure you, we have not made any deals beyond what I have announced today with the food court. Should we go any further in our efforts to provide services to the peaceful protesters that this great city serves, you folks will be the first to hear about it.”

“Let me remind everybody, New York City is the city to come and express ourselves,” Bloomberg said. “We have a history of being warm and welcoming, and what was happening in Zuccotti Park was not that. It developed into a situation, which was prohibiting a lot of people from expressing their views.”

“We see the addition of the food court services as just one step in addressing some of the deficiencies in the current situation,” added Mayor Bloomberg, “This will be our first step in making Zucotti Park, once again, a warm and welcoming spot for all. Let’s be real here for a minute; how can anyone be angry when you’re drinking a frosty Orange Julius and eating a Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick?”

Dreadmonger called the Build-A-Bear company for comment but, thus far, they have not returned our calls.

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