Posts Tagged Michael Bloomberg

Alec Baldwin Declared “Greatest Living Hypocrite” by Guinness


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(Dreadmonger London Bureau) – Guinness World Records, Ltd. announced today in London that Alec Baldwin has been declared “World’s Greatest Living hypocrite” for his recent string of scathing tweets associated with the Occupy Wall Street movement.

Baldwin has repeatedly declared his support for the movement centered in Zuccotti Park in New York City, despite the fact that he has been the long-time TV pitchman for Capital One Credit Cards, a division of Capital One Bank, N.A., one of the largest banking conglomerates in the U.S.

Tweeting today about Mayor Bloomberg‘s action to clear the park last night, Baldwin said, “Bloomberg’s NY is no place for the 1st amendment. Bloomberg serves Wall Street, now and forever. And Wall Street cannot handle free speech.”

Baldwin went on to say, “NYC bends over backwards 2 give costly tax breaks 2 corps that threaten 2 leave NY. Whether those corps create sufficient jobs or not.”

Baldwin visited the Occupy Wall Street “Base Camp” in Zuccotti Park on October 18 to offer his support to loyal protesters. Baldwin was followed by chanting Ron Paul supporters and only stayed on site a short time.

Baldwin recently completed filming on his latest Capital One “Whats in your wallet?” commercial.

Sir Rudy Gilfalstone, Executive Managing Director of Awards for Guinness World Records, Ltd., told reporters from Dreadmonger that Baldwin was a natural pick for the award.

“As we have seen,” said Sir Gilfalstone, “Mr. Baldwin has done a superb job of displaying his sputtering, righteous indignation at those who would give opposition to the Occupy Wall Street movement while at the same time, perfecting his smarmy delivery as chief credit card pitchman for one of the largest banks in the world. We see this as rather exquisite irony. Mr. Baldwin wins the ‘World’s Greatest Living Hypocrite’ award hands down. Simply an epic performance. Marvelous, really.”

“And, to be perfectly honest,” said Sir Rudy, “we did not have anyone else who approached this expert level of hypocrisy. The only other person we looked at was Michael Moore. For obvious reasons, we chose not to go with Mr. Moore.”

Dreadmonger will cover the Guinness Awards Ceremony pending the scheduling of that event.

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Mayor Bloomberg Closes Occupy Wall Street to Install Food Court

ATLANTIC OCEAN (Nov. 1, 2009) New York Mayor M...

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(Dreadmonger – Zucotti Park) At a press conference held this morning on the steps of City Hall, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced that Zucotti Park, home of the original Occupy Wall Street movement, had been cleared of all protesters, tents, tarps and sleeping bags, in order to be cleaned and prepped for the installation of a food court. Police officers moved in last night to remove protesters and to clear the area to allow New York sanitation workers to begin their efforts to clean and sanitize the park. 200 arrests were made in the process but, no serious injuries were reported.

The new food court will open for business on Monday, November 21, just in time for the Thanksgiving holiday. The new facility will be anchored by a McDonald’s and will include a Panda Express, a Sbarro Italian Deli, an Orange Julius, a Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick, and a Pinkberry Frozen Yogurt shop.

“The Occupy Wall Street movement,” noted Mayor Bloomberg, ” has reached a size and permanency where we believe the nutritional needs of the protesters are best served via a food court model not unlike what you might find at your local shopping mall. This allows for fast and convenient food service to protesters in a compact area. The food court will offer, if I may say so, a good deal of variety at a great price. We plan to have good old American cheeseburgers from McDonalds, Chinese food from Panda Express, Italian cuisine from Sbarro’s, the ever popular Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick, and frozen yogurt from Pinkberry’s for a refreshing, low-fat dessert.”

Reporters from Dreadmonger asked the mayor if there was any truth to the rumor that plans had been discussed with the Mayor’s Office to open additional retail outlets. Reporters noted that rumored deals for an Urban Outfitters store, a Wicks & Things candle store, and a Build-A-Bear store, along with competing stand-alone kiosks for AT&T and Verizon cell phones, have been swirling around City Hall in the days leading up to today’s announcement.

The mayor responded, “We are in discussions with a number of companies about the possibility of providing those retail outlets that might best serve the demographic we see here with the protesters in the park. But, let me assure you, we have not made any deals beyond what I have announced today with the food court. Should we go any further in our efforts to provide services to the peaceful protesters that this great city serves, you folks will be the first to hear about it.”

“Let me remind everybody, New York City is the city to come and express ourselves,” Bloomberg said. “We have a history of being warm and welcoming, and what was happening in Zuccotti Park was not that. It developed into a situation, which was prohibiting a lot of people from expressing their views.”

“We see the addition of the food court services as just one step in addressing some of the deficiencies in the current situation,” added Mayor Bloomberg, “This will be our first step in making Zucotti Park, once again, a warm and welcoming spot for all. Let’s be real here for a minute; how can anyone be angry when you’re drinking a frosty Orange Julius and eating a Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick?”

Dreadmonger called the Build-A-Bear company for comment but, thus far, they have not returned our calls.

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