Posts Tagged New York Times

Dems Go Big with “Bazillion $ Plan”

President Barack Obama speaks to a joint sessi...

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(Dreadmonger Washington Bureau) – In a joint announcement today issued on the steps of the Capitol Building, Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Waters, and Paul Krugman, unveiled  their proposal for stimulating  job creation for the tepid U.S. economy.

“We are urging the President to ‘go big’ with his jobs plan,” said House of Representatives minority leader Nancy Pelosi. “He gave reference to his ‘Ginormous Plan’ on August 18th, and now, with his address to the joint session of Congress tomorrow evening, we are proposing that he put a specific number on that proposal: one bazillion dollars.”

Congresswoman Maxine Waters, as a follow-up to her appearance on Meet The Press this past Sunday where she said the President should propose “a program of a trillion dollars or more”, said that she has reconsidered and revised her proposal after consulting with Nobel prize winning economist Paul Krugman and Leader Pelosi.

“I think now that we should be talking about at least a bazillion dollars,” Congresswoman Waters said. “That’s more than a trillion, isn’t it?”

Paul Krugman, Nobel prize-winning economist and noted op-ed columnist for the New York Times, responded, “Yes, Congresswoman Waters, it is. But whether we are talking about a bazillion dollars or a gazillion dollars, the important thing is that the President go big. We need to increase the size and scope of our investment in jobs if we are to have a real impact on this economy.”

Dreadmonger reporters inquired as to where the money to fund such a program might come from.

Mr. Krugman responded, “Well, you know, interest rates are at historic lows right now so, we should be able to borrow it for close to zero per cent. With the cost of borrowing this low, it is silly not to take advantage of the opportunity to increase the size of the jobs program. And there is a crying need for infrastructure spending which puts idle construction workers back on the job. From an economist’s standpoint, it is the obvious solution to what has become a protracted and painful chapter in American life.”

When Dreadmonger reporters pointed out that “Jobs Program” is seen by some as a euphemism for “Stimulus”, Mr. Krugman said, “I have said repeatedly that the original recovery program was too modest. We need to ‘go big or go home’ as the saying goes. This is our chance to shock this arrested economy back to life.”

Reporters from Dreadmonger noted that the original recovery program has been judged by some of Mr. Krugman’s peers as being less than effective in creating new jobs.

“Well,” responded Mr. Krugman, “it just proves my point. This time, we need to go bigger.”

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Morgan Stanley Running Out of Ways to Say ‘Economy Sucks’

Morgan Stanley's office on Times Square

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LONDON (Dreadmonger) – Global stock markets tumbled again this week as officials from Morgan Stanley lowered their forecasts for global growth for 2011 and 2012. An unnamed Morgan Stanley official, in an exclusive interview with Dreadmonger’s London Bureau, said, “This really sucks. We are close to running out of adjectives to describe how bad this sucks. No doubt.”

The spokesman for the brokerage firm went on to say that increasing  commodity prices, a weakened dollar, and continuing political and social tensions around the globe combined to paint a bleak economic outlook for the next two years.

The spokesman said that both the U.S. and European economies are “hovering dangerously close to recession.”  As a result, the firm has cut its 2011 global gross domestic product growth forecast to 3.9% from 4.2%, and its 2012 estimate to 3.8% from 4.5%.

Paul Krugman, Nobel prize winning economist and op-ed columnist for the New York Times, commented, “To say that the ‘economy sucks’ doesn’t really capture the gravity of the situation. I think these guys need to go back to the OED or something. This came out of the London office, right? Pitiful, really, that the vocabulary coming from this eminent financial institution has devolved to street language. It embarrasses us all and coarsens the discussion.”

The Morgan Stanley spokesman further commented on Mr. Krugman’s statement by saying, “Well, you can tell Mr. Krugman that Morgan Stanley says he sucks, as well.  He’s the Nobel Prize-winning economist, isn’t he? If we go back to his forecasts, of, oh, say 2007, what do we see? And, how’s that Keynsian stimulus program working out for you, Paul?”

Krugman responded by telling Dreadmonger reporters, “What, some low-level PR guy from this esteemed issuer of countless Mortgage Backed Securities, this company that JP Morgan refused to take for nothing back in 2008, thinks it is in his purview to smear me, a Nobel Prize-winning economist and op-ed journalist for the New York Times, with his punk-a** gutter-language? Not likely.”

Dreadmonger is unable to print the response from Morgan Stanley to Mr. Krugman in this family friendly publication.

Dreadmonger will continue to closely monitor the story and provide updates as they become available.

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