Posts Tagged Paul Krugman

Carville Offers Obama a New Plan – Fire, Indict, Punch ‘Em in the Face!

American political consultant James Carville.

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“The course we are on is not working. The hour is late, and the need is great. Fire. Indict. Fight.” James CarvilleCNN 9/15/11.

Those are harsh words James. The Democratic strategist, in an opinion piece today for CNN, offered his prescription to President Obama for turning around the flagging performance of the Democrats in light of this week’s election results in New York and Nevada. Carville spoke with his usual candor, ratcheted up a notch.

Carville’s four point plan:

1) Fire somebody! Just look around you, lots of folks to choose from here. Jarrett, Holder, Geithner, take your pick. Nobody will miss them, and you’ll be cheered. Maybe even given a ticker tape parade.

2) Arrest somebody! Start with this Solyndra deal. What a cluster that one was! Surely there is some DOE or OMB honcho you can tag for this one. If not, go with Biden. He’s a joke anyhow and that frees up a valuable, wasted slot on the VP ticket.

3) Re-hire someone you fired, fire them again, and then arrest them. Make a spectacle of it. The Romans had it figured out with the Colliseum. They recognized that people love blood and spectacle. Give it to them and then, give them some more.

4) Punch somebody in the face! Not literally, of course, but figuratively. Humiliate somebody brutally and  in public. I would think a Plouffe or an Axelrod would be good here. And, of course, Robert Gibbs. Everybody in the whole country hates that guy. You could sell tickets for that one. Sell out an arena. No, wait, you want to sell out an arena, make fun of Paul Krugman. You could make that guy cry, easy.

Carville said his plan was designed to protect the nation from “these creationism-loving, global-warming-denying, immigration-bashing, Social-Security-cutting, clean-air-hating, mortality-fascinated, Wall-Street-protecting Republicans”.

When asked what advice he would give the White House, Carville said, “One word comes to mind: Panic.”

Dreadmonger attempted to reach Mr. Carville to ask him what he really thinks. He has not yet returned our phone calls.

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Dems Go Big with “Bazillion $ Plan”

President Barack Obama speaks to a joint sessi...

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(Dreadmonger Washington Bureau) – In a joint announcement today issued on the steps of the Capitol Building, Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Waters, and Paul Krugman, unveiled  their proposal for stimulating  job creation for the tepid U.S. economy.

“We are urging the President to ‘go big’ with his jobs plan,” said House of Representatives minority leader Nancy Pelosi. “He gave reference to his ‘Ginormous Plan’ on August 18th, and now, with his address to the joint session of Congress tomorrow evening, we are proposing that he put a specific number on that proposal: one bazillion dollars.”

Congresswoman Maxine Waters, as a follow-up to her appearance on Meet The Press this past Sunday where she said the President should propose “a program of a trillion dollars or more”, said that she has reconsidered and revised her proposal after consulting with Nobel prize winning economist Paul Krugman and Leader Pelosi.

“I think now that we should be talking about at least a bazillion dollars,” Congresswoman Waters said. “That’s more than a trillion, isn’t it?”

Paul Krugman, Nobel prize-winning economist and noted op-ed columnist for the New York Times, responded, “Yes, Congresswoman Waters, it is. But whether we are talking about a bazillion dollars or a gazillion dollars, the important thing is that the President go big. We need to increase the size and scope of our investment in jobs if we are to have a real impact on this economy.”

Dreadmonger reporters inquired as to where the money to fund such a program might come from.

Mr. Krugman responded, “Well, you know, interest rates are at historic lows right now so, we should be able to borrow it for close to zero per cent. With the cost of borrowing this low, it is silly not to take advantage of the opportunity to increase the size of the jobs program. And there is a crying need for infrastructure spending which puts idle construction workers back on the job. From an economist’s standpoint, it is the obvious solution to what has become a protracted and painful chapter in American life.”

When Dreadmonger reporters pointed out that “Jobs Program” is seen by some as a euphemism for “Stimulus”, Mr. Krugman said, “I have said repeatedly that the original recovery program was too modest. We need to ‘go big or go home’ as the saying goes. This is our chance to shock this arrested economy back to life.”

Reporters from Dreadmonger noted that the original recovery program has been judged by some of Mr. Krugman’s peers as being less than effective in creating new jobs.

“Well,” responded Mr. Krugman, “it just proves my point. This time, we need to go bigger.”

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Morgan Stanley Running Out of Ways to Say ‘Economy Sucks’

Morgan Stanley's office on Times Square

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LONDON (Dreadmonger) – Global stock markets tumbled again this week as officials from Morgan Stanley lowered their forecasts for global growth for 2011 and 2012. An unnamed Morgan Stanley official, in an exclusive interview with Dreadmonger’s London Bureau, said, “This really sucks. We are close to running out of adjectives to describe how bad this sucks. No doubt.”

The spokesman for the brokerage firm went on to say that increasing  commodity prices, a weakened dollar, and continuing political and social tensions around the globe combined to paint a bleak economic outlook for the next two years.

The spokesman said that both the U.S. and European economies are “hovering dangerously close to recession.”  As a result, the firm has cut its 2011 global gross domestic product growth forecast to 3.9% from 4.2%, and its 2012 estimate to 3.8% from 4.5%.

Paul Krugman, Nobel prize winning economist and op-ed columnist for the New York Times, commented, “To say that the ‘economy sucks’ doesn’t really capture the gravity of the situation. I think these guys need to go back to the OED or something. This came out of the London office, right? Pitiful, really, that the vocabulary coming from this eminent financial institution has devolved to street language. It embarrasses us all and coarsens the discussion.”

The Morgan Stanley spokesman further commented on Mr. Krugman’s statement by saying, “Well, you can tell Mr. Krugman that Morgan Stanley says he sucks, as well.  He’s the Nobel Prize-winning economist, isn’t he? If we go back to his forecasts, of, oh, say 2007, what do we see? And, how’s that Keynsian stimulus program working out for you, Paul?”

Krugman responded by telling Dreadmonger reporters, “What, some low-level PR guy from this esteemed issuer of countless Mortgage Backed Securities, this company that JP Morgan refused to take for nothing back in 2008, thinks it is in his purview to smear me, a Nobel Prize-winning economist and op-ed journalist for the New York Times, with his punk-a** gutter-language? Not likely.”

Dreadmonger is unable to print the response from Morgan Stanley to Mr. Krugman in this family friendly publication.

Dreadmonger will continue to closely monitor the story and provide updates as they become available.

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Bravo To Launch New Reality Show – Political Panic Room

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Producers from Bravo TV announced today that their new fall lineup will include Political Panic Room, a reality TV show where political figures will be locked together in an upper East Side Manhattan Panic Room for 45 days.

Mark LeGuay, executive producer for the show, told reporters, “This will be a first for reality TV. A group of 8 contemporary political thought leaders from the worlds of communications, entertainment, business, and government will be sealed together in the panic room of an exclusive upper East Side Manhattan penthouse for 45 days. Their every waking moment will be recorded on closed circuit TV.”

Bravo has announced that first season cast members will include Anne CoulterChristine O’Donnell Debbie Wasserman Schultz,  Janeane Garofalo, Paul Krugman, Colonel Allen West, Anthony Weiner, and Chuck Norris.

LeGuay went on to say, “We look for a lot of in-depth, thoughtful, and substantive interaction between the cast members during their stay in the Political Panic Room. Two teams, or ‘tribes’, will be formed on Day 1 and those tribes will compete weekly for food.”

During their stay in the Political Panic Room, a TV news feed, consisting of current live news stories and ‘fake news’ will be constantly streamed to contestants, who will be allowed no other contact with the outside world.

Producer LeGuay told reporters, “For the ‘fake news’, we will have, among others, stories about the repeal of the second amendment to the Constitution, Hillary Clinton‘s announcement that she will become an independent presidential candidate in 2012, and an outbreak of avian virus that ravages the population and triggers massive social decay and, ultimately, anarchy. We think these stories may make for some lively debate amongst our two tribes.”

LeGuay added “The contestants will be asked to review and rate the truthfulness of the news stories and present their conclusions weekly to a panel of celebrity judges.”

This season’s celebrity judges will include Ariana Huffington, Ted Nugent, and Gary Busey. Judges will be on hand for a live telecast each week to judge the tribes’ presentations and select the tribe member who will be eliminated.

The TV news feed of real and fake news will run 18 hours a day and will alternate with broadcasts of Rush Limbaugh‘s radio program and re-broadcasts of  Keith Olbermann‘s new CurrentTV show, Countdown with Keith Olbermann.

At the end of the 45 days, the surviving tribe will be awarded $1 million dollars which will be donated to the charity of their choice.

Dreadmonger will provide updates to this story as they become available.

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