Posts Tagged United States House of Representatives

Dems Go Big with “Bazillion $ Plan”

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(Dreadmonger Washington Bureau) – In a joint announcement today issued on the steps of the Capitol Building, Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Waters, and Paul Krugman, unveiled  their proposal for stimulating  job creation for the tepid U.S. economy.

“We are urging the President to ‘go big’ with his jobs plan,” said House of Representatives minority leader Nancy Pelosi. “He gave reference to his ‘Ginormous Plan’ on August 18th, and now, with his address to the joint session of Congress tomorrow evening, we are proposing that he put a specific number on that proposal: one bazillion dollars.”

Congresswoman Maxine Waters, as a follow-up to her appearance on Meet The Press this past Sunday where she said the President should propose “a program of a trillion dollars or more”, said that she has reconsidered and revised her proposal after consulting with Nobel prize winning economist Paul Krugman and Leader Pelosi.

“I think now that we should be talking about at least a bazillion dollars,” Congresswoman Waters said. “That’s more than a trillion, isn’t it?”

Paul Krugman, Nobel prize-winning economist and noted op-ed columnist for the New York Times, responded, “Yes, Congresswoman Waters, it is. But whether we are talking about a bazillion dollars or a gazillion dollars, the important thing is that the President go big. We need to increase the size and scope of our investment in jobs if we are to have a real impact on this economy.”

Dreadmonger reporters inquired as to where the money to fund such a program might come from.

Mr. Krugman responded, “Well, you know, interest rates are at historic lows right now so, we should be able to borrow it for close to zero per cent. With the cost of borrowing this low, it is silly not to take advantage of the opportunity to increase the size of the jobs program. And there is a crying need for infrastructure spending which puts idle construction workers back on the job. From an economist’s standpoint, it is the obvious solution to what has become a protracted and painful chapter in American life.”

When Dreadmonger reporters pointed out that “Jobs Program” is seen by some as a euphemism for “Stimulus”, Mr. Krugman said, “I have said repeatedly that the original recovery program was too modest. We need to ‘go big or go home’ as the saying goes. This is our chance to shock this arrested economy back to life.”

Reporters from Dreadmonger noted that the original recovery program has been judged by some of Mr. Krugman’s peers as being less than effective in creating new jobs.

“Well,” responded Mr. Krugman, “it just proves my point. This time, we need to go bigger.”

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Nancy Pelosi’s Looking for Another Weiner

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Sources close to House of Representatives Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi told Dreadmonger today that she was “Looking for another Weiner”.

“She is working the caucus,” reported the source, “looking for a male member, so to speak, to initiate another scandal ala Anthony Weiner.”

The source went on to say, “She’s got to find something to take the focus off of the lack of progress on the economic front. You can only say ‘Jobs, jobs, jobs’ so many times, you know? That one’s starting to play kind of thin. And this ‘Tea Party Terrorist’ line hasn’t really taken off like we thought it would.”

Leader Pelosi’s first choice for the role of party decoy was purportedly Steny Hoyer, House Democratic Whip.

“Nancy hates Steny so, he would be a natural from her point of view,”  the source went on to say. “But, hey, I don’t think Steny’s  just waiting around to fall on his sword for the good of the party.”

“The sad truth is, Nancy wishes Anthony was still around,” the source said. “He was good for keeping the 24-hour news beast fed and he was a lot of fun, too. And Nancy liked him. He is actually a pretty funny guy, as you can imagine, and Nancy’s a hoot with all that ‘Crazy Eyes’ stuff. They used to do a routine together in the House cafeteria that was hilarious. Let’s get real, Weiner had reached rock star status and Nancy misses him, simple as that.”

Leader Pelosi was out on the stump this week campaigning for President Obama in her home district of San Francisco.

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President Obama Spams Us

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Americans, listen up… your President is spamming tweeting reaching out to you...

President Obama opened the Twitter floodgates today in an effort to rally support for his bid to pressure Congress to get it together and solve the debt ceiling crisis adventure. The President’s staff tweeted out the Twitter names of all US Republican Congressional representatives – all of them – one by one – to everyone who follows the President. This regardless of the Representative‘s state of residence. So, the lucky recipients got LOTS of addresses that had no relationship whatsoever to their state’s representative. Cool!

Tech savvy Americans responded heartily to the President’s reach-out by bailing on him. 37,000  so far (still counting…)  have pulled the plug on the President’s Twitter account.

Meanwhile, back in the House, Nancy Pelosi quoted Dreadmonger’s post from this past Friday, July 22. 2011, declaring an “end to life as we know it on Planet earth.”  She once again made crazy eyes to all the cell phone cameras in the House chamber as an added treat for her Congressional colleagues.

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