Pelosi & Reid Jointly Propose “Perma-Stop” Legislation

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Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi jointly proposed legislation today that would provide permanent stop-gap funding for Congress. The legislative initiative, nicknamed “Perma-Stop“, would provide for a bank of funds that would be available to Congress in perpetuity to provide monies for future periods where stop-gap spending is required.

The proposed legislation which, according to Mr. Reid, has the enthusiastic support of President Obama, provides for a bank of “Perma-Stop” funds between $300B and $500B that would automatically be available to Congress for funding the operation of the government in order to avert a shut down.

Mr. Reid and Ms. Pelosi addressed reporters today from backstage at a campaign rally in Pahrump, Nevada.

“This initiative will provide Congress with readily accessible funds that will allow the government to continue to operate in times of crisis,” said Mr. Reid. “As we have seen in recent months, our Republican colleagues have demonstrated a willingness, or perhaps we should even say a desire, to delay budgetary approval and thereby allow the government to shut down.”

The Reid / Pelosi proposal would set up a Perma-Stop Bank which would be directly funded by the Federal Reserve Board. These funds would be available for release based upon the approval of the Senate Majority Leader whenever the government requires so-called “stop-gap” funding. The bank would be operated on a “min / max” system by the Federal Reseve: whenever funds reached the minimum $300B level, an additional $200B would be injected to return the fund to the maximum level of $500B.

“We see this,” continued Leader Reid, “as an eminently reasonable approach to the constant start / stop dance we have played in the past few months with our Republican colleagues. They seem to feel they can shut down the government whenever the mood strikes them. I would remind our colleagues that those decisions can delay the issuance of Social Security checks which millions of American seniors depend upon for their very existence.”

Minority Leader Pelosi told reporters, “We see this legislation as key to the elimination of the incessant brinksmanship of threatening a government shut-down. We think that Americans are tired of the constant bickering and threats that do nothing but add tension and rancor to the process of conducting the people’s business. We believe our proposal will entirely eliminate this particularly nasty tactic that our colleagues on the other side of the aisle have shown to be all-to-willing to use. We think Americans will embrace our proposal to put an end to this nonsense.”

In conclusion, Mr. Reid added, “We think this legislation offers a simple and elegant solution to the persistent and unnecessary ploys and tactics that panic-inducing Republicans use to scare seniors. It’s time to stop this ‘fire drill’ mentality and get on with governing our nation.”

Dreadmonger will provide updates to the story as they become available.

Related articles

• US Reid, Pelosi Offer Compromise To End FY’12 Funding Dispute (forexlive.com)
• Update:Reid:Hard To Negotiate W/Hse on Stop-Gap;’They’re Gone’ (forexlive.com)

President Obama Ratchets Up the Rhetoric – Calls CBC “A Bunch of Slipper-Wearing Sissies”

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On the campaign trail today in Decatur, President Barack Obama continued to dial-up the heat on both critics within his own party and on his Republican rivals. Speaking at an SEIU / Teamster’s rally this afternoon along side James Hoffa. President Obama was unusually animated. He began by attacking naysayers on the left.

“Some say my words the other night addressing the Congressional Black Caucus were ‘curious’,” the President said, referring to Congresswoman Maxine Waters‘ characterization of his speech last Saturday evening. “Well, I’ll say it again, the folks of the CBC, and I don’t limit this to the CBC by any means, but these folks are nothing but a bunch of slipper-wearing sissies.” The President continued to drop his g’s in his address today as he had in his address previously to the CBC. Notably, the President’s “Town Hall” meeting yesterday with Silicon Valley‘s Linked-In organization exhibited none of the g-dropping.

“I just don’t care what those folks have to say about my choice of words,” the President continued. “If I’m too tough well, too bad. This tough love is for their own good and for the good of the Democratic Party. If they think I’m tough, just wait until they get a good look at Rick Perry. His state’s burning to the ground and he doesn’t believe in global warming. He’s executing folks right and left. Folks down there in Texas think he’s lost his mind.”

President Obama then went on to savage the Republican Party, saying, “The GOP has plans to eviscerate you, then tear out your still-beating heart and stomp it into the ground along with your guts. Does this sound ‘curious’ to you? I don’t think folks understand what’s at stake here. Did you see those debates last week? And did you hear that audience cheering for executions and rooting for that poor guy with no insurance to go ahead and die? These guys are scary. I wouldn’t trust any of them. Can you imagine running up on these guys in a dark alley at night?”

“One of them wants to do away with Social Security. Another one wants to do away with the EPA, the Department of Education, and Medicare. Another one wants to eliminate taxes for their wealthy friends. Another one doesn’t care if Iran has a nuclear bomb or not. No other word for it, these guys are either dangerous or just plain nuts.”

The President did not take questions after the address but, Dreadmonger reporters were able to catch up backstage with David Axelrod, senior campaign advisor for the Obama 2012 presidential bid.

Dreadmonger  reporters questioned Mr. Axelrod about the tone of the President’s address. Mr. Axelrod replied, “Well, we are doing our utmost to keep the discourse civil but sometimes the President just gets ‘fired up, ready to go!’. We are just starting to get revved up here. I can imagine that, 12 or 13 months from now when we’re in the final stretch, we may see things really start to heat up.”

Dreadmonger will provide updates as they become available.

Related articles

• Rep Maxine Waters: Obama’s Comments ‘A Bit Curious’ (bilerico.com)
• President Obama Scolds the CBC & Black Community: “Stop Complaining, Stop Grumbling & Stop Crying” (themoderatevoice.com)
• Obama’s Message to Black Leaders: “Stop Complaining” (swampland.time.com)
• It’s Begins. AP Charged with Racism for Accurate Transcription of Obama’s Speech.[ArthurK] (minx.cc)

Eric Holder Announces Speedy Arrests in “Muffin-Gate Sting”

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Eric Holder, Attorney General for the United States, announced this evening that three people have been arrested in a “Muffin-Gate Sting” operation conducted by the Department of Justice.

Mr. Holder, reading from a prepared statement, spoke with reporters tonight at the scene of the arrests in Washington, D.C.

“This ongoing operation, spear-headed by Justice along with logistics support from the Office of Homeland Security and technical support from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, was both swift and precise in execution. The joint task-team identified and arrested the three individuals who are believed to be responsible for the abuse of refreshment budgets that was uncovered earlier this week by our internal audit team.”

“The investigation had been underway for quite some time,” continued Mr. Holder, “and, as the news media broke the story this week, we felt it prudent to move forward with the arrests of the individuals previously identified in the case.”

Arrested tonight were Justice Department interns Bunny Whidmore (age 21), Trisha Maxwell (age 22), and Jennifer Bittly (age 21). The three interns were taken into custody without incident by Federal Marshalls at the apartment they share in Washington, D.C.

Mr. Holder went on to say, “We at DoJ want the American people to know that the rules are the same for every American. Even in a case like this one, where suspects Whidmore, Maxwell, and Bittley are affiliated with our Department, we will not hesitate to bring wrong-doers to swift justice.”

A Department of Justice inspector general audit released earlier this week reported that just under $500,000 was spent at ten conference events between Oct. 2007 and Sept. 2009. Those events served the legendary $16 muffins as well as snacks of Cracker Jacks, popcorn and candy bars that cost $32 per person.

“Let it be clearly known by the American people,” said Mr. Holder, “that this Department of Justice is on the job and will continue to diligently monitor conference snack abuse even when it is internal to the Department. There are no special rules when it comes to justice.”

Dreadmonger reporters requested comment from the three suspects as they were being led away in handcuffs by Federal Marshalls. We received one comment from intern Bunny Whidmore.

“Can you call my Mom for me? The conference they’re talking about happened when I was 17 years old – I was still in high school – I didn’t even work here then.”

Dreadmonger will provide updates to the story as they occur.

Related articles

• Great news: Audit reveals Justice Department paid $16 for muffins (hotair.com)
• Justice Department’s $16 Muffins and $32 Cracker Jacks (outsidethebeltway.com)
• $16 Government Muffins? Actually, No (abcnews.go.com)

Ron Suskind: “Geithner is a Werewolf, Rahm’s a Vampire”

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In an interview on MSNBC today, Ron Suskind re-iterated his claim that U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner is a werewolf and that Rahm Emanuel is a 400 year-old vampire.

Mr. Suskind’s new book, Confidence Men: Wall Street, Washington, and the Education of a President, released in bookstores today, details the inner workings of the White House during the financial crisis of 2008. Mr. Suskind appeared on MSNBC‘s Morning Joe this morning and told host Joe Scarborough that Timothy Geithner is, in fact, a werewolf and that Rahm Emmanuel is an ancient Carpathian vampire.

“It’s true,” said Mr. Suskind, “I have it on tape. We locked Tim in the basement bowling alley at the White House one night during a full moon. It’s a  frightening tape, but, you can tell its him. He just went nuts when the full moon came up. Just nuts.”

“And Rahm,” Mr. Suskind continued, “you never see Rahm out in sunlight. Only at night. Try to find a picture of him in the sun. Doesn’t exist. They had developed a network of ACORN sites that used to feed young, homeless girls up to Rahm’s office after hours. One by one, in they’d go, but they never came back out. Seriously creepy.”

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney quickly dismissed Mr. Suskind’s claims, calling them, “Specious and twisted. This is an example of Mr. Suskind’s warped imagination carrying him away. The book is pure sensationalism, full of errors and fantastic exaggeration.”

Mr. Suskind says of the White House, “They’re trying to throw up as much dust and doubt as they possibly can. But, if you get a few drinks in Christina Romer or Anita Dunn, they’ll tell you all about Rahm. It’s a different story with Tim. He can’t really help himself, poor guy. But Rahm is something else. Roams the halls at night, wearing that black cape with the red silk lining. The guy’s pure evil. He’ll suck the very life right out of you and won’t bat an eye.”

Mr. Suskind’s book goes on to document the purported ‘hostile environment’ towards women in the White House.

“Anita Dunn told me, and again, I have this on tape, that she was sick and tired of Rahm trying to get her off in a corner to bite her on the neck. That’s the real reason she left the administration. Christina too.”

Dreadmonger reporters asked Mr. Suskind about Valerie Jarrett, the Senior Advisor to President Obama.

“Well,” Mr. Suskind replied, “let’s just say you’ll have a hard time finding a recent picture of her out in the sun as well.”

Dreadmonger attempted to reach Mr. Emmanuel and Mr. Geithner for comment but they did not return our calls.

Related articles

• 9 Juicy Bits from Ron Suskind’s Book (thedailybeast.com)
• How Rahm Emanuel, Larry Summers and Tim Geithner ‘Hijacked’ the Obama Presidency [Politics] (gawker.com)
• Six Strangely Omitted Words from Ron Suskind’s Account of White House Sexism [White House] (gawker.com)

Buffett Gives Secretary $1B to Reduce Her Tax Rate

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OMAHA (Dreadmonger) – Berkshire Hathaway issued a press release tonight announcing that Warren Buffett was personally gifting his secretary to the tune of $1 billion in order to reduce her tax rate to the same level that the billionaire investor enjoys.

Missy Sprindle, Mr. Buffet’s administrative assistant at Berkshire Hathaway for the past 18 years, met with reporters from Dreadmonger’s Omaha Bureau in an exclusive interview this evening.

“I’m just so excited! Mr. B. is just too kind. With all this talk about how much I pay in taxes, I just didn’t think he would go and do this. He’s such an old sweetie.”

Mr. Buffett has expressed concern in recent months about the disparity between his tax rate and that of his secretary. According to Mr. Buffett, he is taxed at about 17% on his $46 million in income “without trying to avoid paying higher taxes” while his secretary is taxed at a rate of 32%.

The gift to Ms. Sprindle was in the form of dividend producing Berkshire Hathaway bonds. The income from the $1 billion in gift bonds will be treated as capital gains and, when combined with Ms. Sprindle’s $60,000 annual salary, will lower her effective tax rate to a projected 17.3%, rivaling that of Mr. Buffett.

Dreadmonger reporters asked Ms. Sprindle if she was aware of the “Buffet Rule” that President Obama was recommending to rectify the tax disparity between wealthy and middle class tax payers.

“Why no,” said Ms. Sprindle, “I really don’t pay any attention to politics, I’m afraid. What’s that all about?”

Dreadmonger reporters explained that the new rule would effectively raise her tax rate back to the 32% “fair share” level that the middle class pays.

“Why, that’s the stupidest, most idiotic thing I ever heard of,” said Ms. Sprindle. “I guess I’ll have to invest in a good tax attorney.”

“After all,” said Ms. Sprindle, “I can afford it.”

Dreadmonger will provide updates to this story as they become available.

Related articles

• Paul Ryan Accuses Obama of ‘Class Warfare’ Over Millionaire Tax (crooksandliars.com)
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President Obama Swears He’s an Adult

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On the basketball court in the basement gym at the White House today, President Obama spoke with reporters, insisting that he really is an adult.

“I assure you all that I am an adult and I have been for many years now,” the President said. “I think there must be some connection to this birther thing. For crying out loud, I just released my birth certificate. I know you’ve all seen it. That proves it, right?”

The comment was believed to be in response to Ron Suskind‘s upcoming book, “Confidence Men: Wall Street, Washington, and the Education of a President”. In Suskind’s book, former Director of the White House  United States National Economic Council Lawrence Summers is quoted as telling Peter Orzag, OMB Director at the time, “We’re Home Alone. There’s no adult in charge. Clinton would never have made these mistakes.”

When Dreadmonger reporters asked President Obama about Mr. Summers’ reported comments in Mr. Suskind’s book, he replied, “I think I’ll let Larry deal with his own issues. If you have seen the movie The Social Network, well, you’ll know what I’m talking about.”

Alex Castellanos, Republican strategist speaking today on Meet the Press, expressed similar sentiments by saying that the President was “…running around Washington saying, ‘Mommy, mommy, please make these Republicans play fair’.”

All this on the heels of James Carville‘s comments this week and his one word of advice to the White House: “Panic”.

When Dreadmonger reporters pressed the President on this recent round of inside the beltway chatter, which sounds more like schoolyard trash talk, the President responded, “Look guys, I’d love to stay and talk more but, I really need to get in a few holes of golf and hit Five Guys before the ball games start. Priorities, you know?”

Dreadmonger will provide update to the story as they become available.

Related articles

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Carville Offers Obama a New Plan – Fire, Indict, Punch ‘Em in the Face!

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“The course we are on is not working. The hour is late, and the need is great. Fire. Indict. Fight.” James Carville – CNN 9/15/11.

Those are harsh words James. The Democratic strategist, in an opinion piece today for CNN, offered his prescription to President Obama for turning around the flagging performance of the Democrats in light of this week’s election results in New York and Nevada. Carville spoke with his usual candor, ratcheted up a notch.

Carville’s four point plan:

1) Fire somebody! Just look around you, lots of folks to choose from here. Jarrett, Holder, Geithner, take your pick. Nobody will miss them, and you’ll be cheered. Maybe even given a ticker tape parade.

2) Arrest somebody! Start with this Solyndra deal. What a cluster that one was! Surely there is some DOE or OMB honcho you can tag for this one. If not, go with Biden. He’s a joke anyhow and that frees up a valuable, wasted slot on the VP ticket.

3) Re-hire someone you fired, fire them again, and then arrest them. Make a spectacle of it. The Romans had it figured out with the Colliseum. They recognized that people love blood and spectacle. Give it to them and then, give them some more.

4) Punch somebody in the face! Not literally, of course, but figuratively. Humiliate somebody brutally and  in public. I would think a Plouffe or an Axelrod would be good here. And, of course, Robert Gibbs. Everybody in the whole country hates that guy. You could sell tickets for that one. Sell out an arena. No, wait, you want to sell out an arena, make fun of Paul Krugman. You could make that guy cry, easy.

Carville said his plan was designed to protect the nation from “these creationism-loving, global-warming-denying, immigration-bashing, Social-Security-cutting, clean-air-hating, mortality-fascinated, Wall-Street-protecting Republicans”.

When asked what advice he would give the White House, Carville said, “One word comes to mind: Panic.”

Dreadmonger attempted to reach Mr. Carville to ask him what he really thinks. He has not yet returned our phone calls.

Related articles

• Carville: Obama should ‘panic’ (politico.com)
• The perils of partisan punditry in the Obama age (salon.com)
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Solyndra, George Kaiser Send Fruit & Cheese Basket to White House

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In an apparent gesture of gratitude for the $535 million in loan guarantees that the Department of Energy  provided to Solyndra, the solar panel maker and principal investor George Kaiser got together today and sent a fruit and cheese basket to the White House.

Bunny Whitmore, Assistant Under-Secretary to White House Press Secretary Jay Carney, told Dreadmonger, “It is a really nice basket. It has those big giant Florida grapefruits and peaches that are the biggest I’ve ever seen. And the cheese is out of this world.”

Solyndra has been having a tough time of it lately. The firm announced last week that, despite the generosity of the DOE and the American taxpayer, it would be forced to lay off all 1100 of its employees, close its doors, and file for bankruptcy protection.

The White House-sponsered loan guarantee given to the solar panel maker was intended to create 1,000 full-time “green jobs” once Solyndra’s new plant was up and running. But intense competition from Chinese manufacturers proved too much for the California-based company.

The Obama administration promoted Solyndra as an example of  the ability of “green technology” to create jobs. In his visit to the Solyndra’s new factory in 2010, the President said, “it is just a testament to American ingenuity and dynamism and the fact that we continue to have the best universities in the world, the best technology in the world, and most importantly the best workers in the world. And you guys all represent that. ”

Solyndra opened in 2005 and in 2009 received the Obama administration’s first energy loan guarantee. The $535 million was intended to mitigate the risk to venture capital firms that were funding the start-up. A major investor in Solyndra, George Kaiser, has been identified as a bundler for President Obama’s 2008 campaign, raising large amounts of cash for that effort.

The House Energy and Commerce Committee has been probing Solyndra’s loan guarantee and in July issued a subpoena to the White House Office of Management and Budget for documents relating to all Energy Department loan guarantees.

“This is really bad news,” said House Energy and Commerce Committee Chairman Fred Upton (R-Mich.). “Half a billion dollars of taxpayer money and we may end up holding the bag. This is just a classic case of fraud and abuse and waste.”

Meanwhile, back at the White House, Bunny Whitmore was passing around samples from the fruit basket to members of the Press Secretary’s staff. “I must admit,” said Ms. Whitmore, “I don’t know who these Solyndra guys are but, I sure hope they remember us again at Christmas time.”

Dreadmonger will provide updates to this story as they become available.

Related articles

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DOJ Probe Targets Clapton

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Assistant Secretary to the  Bureau Chief of the Decatur office of the Department of Justice Raul Garcerra said today that noted guitarist Eric Clapton has been targeted by the DOJ in an on-going investigation into his “prolonged and protracted use of guitars made from illegally imported and endangered materials.”

“Through a deep undercover investigation,” Mr. Garcerra told Dreadmonger reporters, “we have learned that Mr. Clapton has most likely been a user of Gibson guitars for many, many years. We think he heads a network of like-minded  individuals who repeatedly use and may even distribute these illegal instruments for financial gain.”

Citing Mr. Clapton’s Crossroads organization as the potential hub of the alleged distribution organization, Mr. Garcerra went on to say, “We believe we have a case that goes far beyond illegal use and enters into the realm of reckless distribution and, potentially, racketeering.”

The Department of Justice raided Gibson Guitar’s Memphis and Nashville, Tennessee manufacturing facilities on August 24th. During the raid, government agents confiscated millions of dollars worth of exotic woods which were believed to have been illegally imported.

Gibson CEO Henry E. Juszkiewicz believes the company has been unfairly targeted. Juszkiewicz said federal authorities have not talked to him about the situation.

“They need to start talking to us. If there is a problem we would be happy to fix it. We’re not aware of one,” he said. The CEO has maintained consistently that all woods were imported legally and that Gibson has all of the required permits to prove it. Political pundits have speculated that the DOJ was attempting to intimidate Juszkiewicz, a long-time supporter of Republican political candidates.

Mr. Garcerra went on to allege that Mr. Clapton is “part of an underground network of users who continue to use, promote, and distribute these Gibson guitars on a global basis,” through his Crossroads organization.

When Dreadmonger reporters informed Mr. Garcerra that Mr. Clapton’s Crossroads organization was involved in drug rehabilitation at his Crossroads Centre in Antigua, Mr. Garcerra replied, “We believe this alleged ‘Rehab Center’ is actually a front for using and distributing these illegal instruments.”

When Dreadmonger reporters noted that Mr. Clapton is a world-renowned guitarist who has been at the pinnacle of artistic expression for his instrument for the past four decades, Mr. Garcerra replied, “Well, people thought Bernie Madoff was at the pinnacle of his profession too. Look how that turned out.”

Mr. Clapton could not be reached for comment.

Related articles

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Dems Go Big with “Bazillion $ Plan”

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(Dreadmonger Washington Bureau) – In a joint announcement today issued on the steps of the Capitol Building, Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Waters, and Paul Krugman, unveiled  their proposal for stimulating  job creation for the tepid U.S. economy.

“We are urging the President to ‘go big’ with his jobs plan,” said House of Representatives minority leader Nancy Pelosi. “He gave reference to his ‘Ginormous Plan’ on August 18th, and now, with his address to the joint session of Congress tomorrow evening, we are proposing that he put a specific number on that proposal: one bazillion dollars.”

Congresswoman Maxine Waters, as a follow-up to her appearance on Meet The Press this past Sunday where she said the President should propose “a program of a trillion dollars or more”, said that she has reconsidered and revised her proposal after consulting with Nobel prize winning economist Paul Krugman and Leader Pelosi.

“I think now that we should be talking about at least a bazillion dollars,” Congresswoman Waters said. “That’s more than a trillion, isn’t it?”

Paul Krugman, Nobel prize-winning economist and noted op-ed columnist for the New York Times, responded, “Yes, Congresswoman Waters, it is. But whether we are talking about a bazillion dollars or a gazillion dollars, the important thing is that the President go big. We need to increase the size and scope of our investment in jobs if we are to have a real impact on this economy.”

Dreadmonger reporters inquired as to where the money to fund such a program might come from.

Mr. Krugman responded, “Well, you know, interest rates are at historic lows right now so, we should be able to borrow it for close to zero per cent. With the cost of borrowing this low, it is silly not to take advantage of the opportunity to increase the size of the jobs program. And there is a crying need for infrastructure spending which puts idle construction workers back on the job. From an economist’s standpoint, it is the obvious solution to what has become a protracted and painful chapter in American life.”

When Dreadmonger reporters pointed out that “Jobs Program” is seen by some as a euphemism for “Stimulus”, Mr. Krugman said, “I have said repeatedly that the original recovery program was too modest. We need to ‘go big or go home’ as the saying goes. This is our chance to shock this arrested economy back to life.”

Reporters from Dreadmonger noted that the original recovery program has been judged by some of Mr. Krugman’s peers as being less than effective in creating new jobs.

“Well,” responded Mr. Krugman, “it just proves my point. This time, we need to go bigger.”

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DNC Unveils 2012 Campaign Slogan: “Let’s Take Out These Lynching, Racist, Terrorist SOB’s and Send Them Straight to Hell!”

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Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, head of the Democratic National Committee, announced the party’s campaign tag-line for the upcoming 2012 elections:

“Let’s Take Out These Lynching, Racist, Terrorist SOB’s and Send Them Straight to Hell!”.

Congresswoman Wasserman-Schultz introduced the new slogan at a rally held jointly by the SEIU and AFL-CIO in Decatur yesterday.

“We believe the new tag-line will re-energize the base of loyal, caring, hard-working middle-class voters who have been marginalized by the efforts of those on the right, especially the so-called Tea Party Movement.”

The tag-line was created by a DNC sub-committee consisting of Congressman Andre Carson, James Hoffa, Jr., Congresswoman Maxine Waters, and Janine Garofalo. It was approved by Ms. Wasserman-Schultz and Vice President Joe Biden.

“The committee debated for quite a while,” said Congresswoman Wasserman-Schultz, “over adding the word ‘Lying’ to the slogan. That would have made it ‘Let’s Take Out these Lying, Lynching, Racist, Terrorist SOB’s and Send Them Straight to Hell!’ . We thought that sounded better, with the slight alliteration on the L’s. But, ultimately, we felt there were two problems with that wording. First, it just made it too long, and second, we thought that might have taken it over the line a little bit. We are trying to keep the discourse civil. We don’t want to coarsen the debate.”

The slogan will be introduced on DNC 2012 Campaign materials, television and radio ads, and will be prominently featured in internet banner ads.

“We think it captures the moment and sums up where the party stands on the important issues of the day.” said Ms. Wasserman-Schultz.

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Poll Says Americans View Madoff, OJ, Gadaffi More Favorably than Federal Government

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A Gallup survey of public opinion showed that Americans‘ view of the federal government is at a historic  low, with impressions ranked below those polled for Bernie Madoff, O.J. Simpson, and ousted Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi.

Barely 17 % of Americans polled viewed the federal government positively as compared to 23% who viewed Bernie Madoff  favorably, 28% who viewed O.J.  positively, and 18% who thought highly of Gaddafi. The poll logged a new low for the government since Gallup began measuring its image in 2003.

The poll, which has a margin of error of plus or minus 5 percentage points. reflects a 14 percent drop in the net approval/disapproval rating of the government in the past year. The survey is conducted annually by the Gallup organization with a random sample of 1,008 adults.

Dreadmonger reporters took to the streets in Decatur to test public opinion, comparing various people in the news to the U.S. Federal Government.  Among  those found to be more popular than the government in our unscientific poll:

– Richard Heene (balloon-boy dad)

– Survivor Richard Hatch

– Dominique Strauss-Kahn

– Kathy Lee Gifford

– Rosie O’Donnell

– Hannibal Lechter

Dreadmonger reporters asked each respondent from our unscientific sample of 148 adults if any individual would rank lower in esteem that the government.  None of those polled could come up with an example.

Related articles

• Poll: Only 17 percent hold positive view of federal government (thehill.com)
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“New Recession” Mocks “Old Recession”

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Zero jobs for August reported in Friday’s monthly jobs report  has economists concerned that the U.S. economy may be entering into a second recession. The economy grew at a rate of 0.7 percent in the first half of 2011, marking the lowest rate of growth since the “Old Recession” ended in June 2009.

The Obama administration estimated Thursday that unemployment will average about 9 percent through next year. This compares to a rate of 7.8 percent when Obama took office. Lagging job growth has prompted some economists to believe the economy is headed into a “New recession”.

Hank Paulson, former Secretary of the Treasury under George W. Bush, spoke with Dreadmonger reporters today. “We just don’t think there is a new recession brewing, and, if there is, we don’t believe it will compare to what we went through in 2008 during the Great Recession.”

Yale economist and consultant to Dreadmonger, Dr. Paul Grunder indicated that he believed “This ‘New Recession’ as we have termed it, will exceed the depths seen in the so-called “Great Recession’ of 2008. We firmly believe that we have already entered a recessionary period and that it will be deep and protracted.”

In response, Secretary Paulson said, “There are some who, in trying to be ahead of some ill-conceived ‘curve’ of economic opinion, will say that we have entered into a recessionary environment. In reality, we are far from the state of affairs we saw in 2008 that precipitated what all will agree to be the most difficult economic challenge this country has faced since the ‘Great Depression‘. And that is precisely why we have dubbed this period the “Great Recession’.”

Dr. Grunder replied, “The self-aggrandizement evident in the characterization and handling of the 2008 downturn spawned a media circus and unnecessary fear-mongering that did nothing but prolong this period of weakness in the U.S. economy.”

“‘Period of weakness?'” Paulson replied, “That’s the most ridiculous understatement I have ever heard. The economy was teetering on the edge of oblivion and we pulled it back. Through herculean efforts, I might add.”

“These so-called ‘herculean efforts’ that some have cited,” said Dr. Grunder, “were merely exaggerated fluff for media consumption, no doubt prompted by some of the principal’s literary agents.”

“See this…” said Mr. Paulson, making a rude gesture, “this is where this Yale professor can stick his ‘exaggerated fluff’.”

Dr. Grunder responded, “Well, I guess that demeanor is good for ex-Wall Street execs attempting to sell books but, I don’t believe it adds much to the real and substantive discussion that is being undertaken by serious economists in this tenuous environment.”

Dreadmonger is unable to print Mr. Paulson’s response in this family friendly publication.

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Ivy League Grads Applying for Advanced Degrees at Hamburger U

Image via Wikipedia

In what appears to be a response to the ever-tightening U.S. job market, college grads from a host of Ivy League schools have applied in record numbers for graduate programs at McDonald’s “Hamburger University“.

“It’s astonishing, really,” said Glenn Bapsbittley, dean of admissions at the Fred L. Turner Training Center, AKA McDonald’s  “Hamburger University”, in Elk Grove Village, Illinois. “We have not seen this level of interest since we introduced the Chicken McNugget.”

The University, which describes itself as the “global center of excellence for McDonald’s operations training and leadership development“, prepares its students for a career in fast food management. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics has forecast this as one of the fastest growing management professions in the broader U.S. labor market.

Speaking on behalf of new students at Hamburger University, Malcolm Spurswell, Yale graduate from the class of 2010 said, “I am incredibly fortunate to have obtained admission to this prestigious institution. I firmly believe that this is the best place for me in my quest to become a key contributor to the country’s economic future.”

McDonald’s Hamburger University has received over 28,000 applications for the 175 graduate positions that will open this fall.  “We hope to expand the program next year to accommodate as many as 200 students,” said Mr. Bapsbittley.

Many of the students who didn’t make the grade to enter Hamburger U this year have taken entry-level positions at their local McDonald’s. Victoria Wang, Phi Beta Kappa honors graduate from the MBA program at Princeton University said she hopes that her experience working “on the grill” will propel her into consideration for next year’s class at Hamburger U. “If I have to work here for the next few years in order to achieve my dreams of attending Hamburger U, I will gladly pay my dues. The end goal makes it all worth while.”

Mr. Bapsbittley added, “It is heartwarming to see the youth of America diligently pursuing their educational aspirations. We are proud to play our part in building towards their future success.”

Related articles

• What’s an Ivy League education worth? (msnbc.msn.com)
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